Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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