theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Randomize
