so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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