Your face is a jimmy john
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
