She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
