the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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