This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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