Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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