i permit you to call me
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
