At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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