I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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