Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
