Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Randomize
