Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My orgasm happened in two different decades
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
