I just saw a hot homeless man
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
