weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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