i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
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