Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
