so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
