STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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