I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
