Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
