What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
