everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
tequila makes me forget i have legs
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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