apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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