someone owes me an orgasm
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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