can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
zippers are such a cool invention
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
where are my eyebrows?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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