C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
