had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
