Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
