If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
