I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
