I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
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