I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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