do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
