Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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