So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
