I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
