there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
