i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Randomize
