We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
