well I can't set my house on fire every night
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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