so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
