Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
