ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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