I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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