before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
