who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm both gender and math confused
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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