then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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