Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
