You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
