How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
