I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
