If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
