I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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