does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
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