We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize