i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
