You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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