Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
