that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
