She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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