You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
