Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
